Good Advice for Mourners

astronomy-cosmos-crater-lake-national-park-262669Grief is the overflowing love in our heart that continues for a person who is no longer physically present. Love in the form of grief makes you miss the person, hurt for the loss, and honor your loved one by how you choose to live after the death. The best monument or memorial you can build to your loved one’s memory is to live a good life, mourn in a healthy way and reach out to help and support other mourners. Although I may not have the privilege of meeting you personally, I can say honestly and sincerely that I am saddened by your loss. The death of your loved one is truly a loss to you, your family, your community and all of mankind. Each life is precious and has purpose. I congratulate you on your struggle through grief to this point. I also congratulate you on making the decision to educate and arm yourself for the future part of your grief. You have made a healthy, wise decision. No one is meant to go through grief alone and without help.

Both you and I have been victims of death, loss and grief. We had no choice in that. But we do have the choice on how we respond to our grief and to life. I pray that your choices are the wisest and most healthy possible. Don’t be afraid or reluctant to ask for help along the way. Remember that how you choose to live will determine your health and your emotional and spiritual well being.

You do not have to detach or let go of the person who died. You are still tied to them through your memories and all that they have given you which can never be taken away from you...not by anyone or anything. Determine to take your loved one with you always by living a good life, mourning in a healthy way and treasuring your memories. Don’t avoid grief because the unique grief you experience is the continued love you will always express toward your special loved one.

Written by Larry M. Barber, LPC-S, CT author of the grief survival guide “Love Never Dies: Embracing Grief with Hope and Promise”  available online at Amazon, Barnes & Noble or

The grief survival guide is also available in Spanish as “El Amor Nunica Muere: Aceptando el Dolor con Esperanza y Promesa” on

Larry is the director of GriefWorks, a free grief support program for children and their families in Dallas TX