Ways to Comfort a Mourning Parent

red roses close up photography

Comforting parents after the death of a child can be challenging, but the skills necessary to help a bereaved parent can be within our abilities to care and reach out.  The skills include:

• Acknowledging the family’s loss, their pain and your  sadness about the loss

• Allowing parents to express themselves without judging them or giving unsolicited advice or suggestions

• Allowing the parents to cry

• Allowing yourself to cry

• Not feeling awkward and speaking when a silence occurs

• Just being present

• Saying the name of the child in conversation

• Avoid using clichés such as “I know how you feel.”  “At least you know they are in a better place.”  Or  “You’re young.  You can always have other children.”

• Being interested in their stories about the child and their loss

• Avoiding trying to explain why the loss took place

• Sharing your fond memories of the child

• Asking to see pictures of the child

• Extending gestures of concern

• Remembering anniversaries and special days  by contacting the parents

• Including the surviving children in your conversations and in your care for the family

• Donating a memorial in honor of the child

• Doing something special for the family without asking or without being asked

• Respecting the grieving styles and needs of the parents

• Keep in mind that the parents may not be able to ask for help or be able to tell you just what they need.

• Giving them time and emotional space to heal.  Be patient.  Written by Larry M. Barber, LPC-S, CT author of the grief survival guide “Love Never Dies: Embracing Grief with Hope and Promise”  available online at Amazon, Barnes & Noble or Christianbook.com.The grief survival guide is also available in Spanish as “El Amor Nunica Muere: Aceptando el Dolor con Esperanza y Promesa” on Amazon.com.Larry is the director of GriefWorks, a free grief support program for children and their families in Dallas TX  http://grief-works.org.FOR INFORMATION ON SCHEDULING COUNSELING SERVICES WITH LARRY BARBER  https://taylorcounselinggroup.com/larry-barber .