Ways to Comfort a Mourning Parent
red roses close up photography
Comforting parents after the death of a child can be challenging, but the skills necessary to help a bereaved parent can be within our abilities to care and reach out. The skills include:
Acknowledging the family’s loss, their pain and your sadness about the loss
Allowing parents to express themselves without judging them or giving unsolicited advice or suggestions
Allowing the parents to cry
Allowing yourself to cry
Not feeling awkward and speaking when a silence occurs
Just being present
Saying the name of the child in conversation
Avoid using clichés such as “I know how you feel.” “At least you know they are in a better place.” Or “You’re young. You can always have other children.”
Being interested in their stories about the child and their loss
Avoiding trying to explain why the loss took place
Sharing your fond memories of the child
Asking to see pictures of the child
Extending gestures of concern
Remembering anniversaries and special
days by contacting the parents
Including the surviving children in your conversations and in your care for the family
Donating a memorial in honor of the child
Doing something special for the family without asking or without being asked
Respecting the grieving styles and needs of the parents
Keep in mind that the parents may not be able to ask for help or be able to tell you just what they need.
Giving them time and emotional space to heal. Be patient.
Written by Larry M. Barber, LPC-S, CT-R, author of the grief survival guide “Love Never Dies: Embracing Grief with Hope and Promise” available online at Amazon, Barnes & Noble or Christianbook.com.
Larry is a licensed professional counselor specializing in grief and loss. He is a certified thanatologist (specialist in death , dying and bereavement)
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