Grief: It Doesn't Have to Always Be This Way

For the last 25 years  I and my children, Christian and Sarah, had dreaded the month of May.  Every May 15 marked another anniversary and another reminder of the deaths of my 37 year old wife Cindy and my two year old daughter Katie in a horrific multi-car accident in Arlington.  Every May 1 we remembered the birthday of Katie, every May 9 we remembered the birthday of Cindy and every Mother's Day Sunday while others celebrated their mothers and wives, we missed our dear Cindy and Katie. I was beginning to think that dreading all of May would be my fate for the rest of my life...until now.  On May 28, 2016 my daughter Sarah married the love of her life Josh.  Now there is a new beginning for them and a new beginning for my family.  Now there are new and renewed hopes for the future for them and new hopes for the future for all of us.

I have told other countless mourners over my years as a grief counselor, author, educator and fellow mourner that:

  • Your grief will change.  Grief will not always be as it is now
  • God can take the bad that happens to you and bring about blessings
  • You and your life are bigger than your grief

But I never really believed any of that for me. Until now.  From this point on every May takes on a completely new meaning.  No dread.  No overwhelming sadness. Every May 28 there be love and joy to celebrate.

I will still miss Cindy and Kate.  I will still long to see them and be in their presence again.  I will wish that Cindy and Katie could have been present physically to see the joy we all shared May 28 and every May 28 yet to come.

But now I will look at May a little differently.  May is the month that God intervened in 2016 to bring joy, peace and hope back to me and my family.

Jesus looked at them and said, “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.” Matthew 19:26.

Written by Larry M. Barber, LPC-S, CT author of the grief survival guide “Love Never Dies: Embracing Grief with Hope and Promise”  available online at Amazon, Barnes & Noble or

The grief survival guide is also available in Spanish as “El Amor Nunica Muere: Aceptando el Dolor con Esperanza y Promesa” on

Larry is the director of GriefWorks, a free grief support program for children and their families in Dallas TX



Pictured below my daughter Sarah and her new husband and my new son Josh.